Urinal Magic, Puddles?

This story really has less to do with as specific incident, then a urinal phenomenon. This issue is so bad that many restrooms have pads or floor covers in front of the urinals. I first noticed this many years ago, when I was a drinker(Don’t touch the stuff now). It is the ever growing puddle in front of the urinals? Come on guys we have been trained since we were young boys to hit the spot. Yet the vast majority of us still can’t seem to get the concept? 

More recently, I have made a conscious effort to figure out why this occurs(Some folks may say size)? What I have learned is this that many guys do not like standing in urine, I get that. Sounds really simple right? Well it’s simple when the urine puddle is small, we can over come the distance. As the urine puddle grows we can no longer ensure accuracy or distance. Which for those of you that still frequent the drinking establishment creates a problem. Correct me if I’m wrong(that does happen often) , but by the end of a good night you are shooting for distance, over a three to four foot puddle. 

Now to how do I apply this to my thinking process? Well let me tell you in the Urinal Magic way. See I woke up this morning thinking about debt. My personal debt, and of course the debt of this great country that we live in. Imagine with me that debt was like the urine puddle. It starts with a few dribbles on the floor, and with out some maintenance it will grow into something really disgusting. Once it reaches the disgusting stage there is no easy solution. 

Solution for the dribbles are minor, in fact most of the time we can solve the problem with a paper towel. However once we get to the puddle stage you are going to need a mop and rubber gloves, bear minimum. In the case of the puddle that I’m loving call the national debt(with the government on a three day binge), we may need a full fledged hazmat team. There really is no easy way to overcome this without, drastic measures. 

Cleaning the “Public Urinal”-Cut government spending 
Personally I would start by cutting the income of the top 10% of government wage earners. I see spending as out of control and reckless. The folks that would be effected want us to do more with less, why are we not asking them to do the same. Reduce entitlements, I know this isn’t popular but either is the largest “urine puddle” in our nations history. Last but certainly not least pass a balanced budget amendment to the constitution. See these are drastic measures and at this point we must keep the urine off the floor! 

Urinal Magic, The Bowel Runs Over?

The Bowel Runs Over?

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A week or so ago, I walked into the public restroom.  As I walked in I saw that there was an individual standing in the middle urinal in a three urinal situation. This is one of those man bathroom faux pas that I could never understand.  Dudes just use one of the end ones why do you have to stand in the middle. So I walked in to the first toilet stall, OH MY GOD…it looked like someone killed something in there.  There was literally crap everywhere, in a precarious position I quickly flush the toilet with my foot and walk out of the stall. As I walk out of the stall, the water in the toilet begins to flow over the brim of the toilet and on to the floor.  The sewage water is now running across the floor under the urinals and creating a cesspool.  Really dude why could you not just use one of the end urinals like the rest of us?

As I so often do I completely analyzed that situation, ok I over analyzed it but that is what I do!  Thinking about that water flowing over the edge of that toilet…that fecal fiesta of water going everywhere?  What could the bathroom gods be saying to me?  Well I thought about it for two weeks, and I just could not come up with anything.  Then I am sitting on the deck at the house we rented during our recent vacation and it completely hits me…you know like that I got it moment from third grade math class.  It was a sign…a cesspool sign.

The kind of cesspool that exist in many areas of our country right now, where so called environmentalist go off the deep end because of a little water pollution.  Ok, ok, I get it we need to conserve water, I have always liked conservation and I really do not have a problem with the “save the water movement”.  I certainly understand that the average person can only live about three days without water.  Without water we all die…scary scary stuff!  Back to the cesspool!

Do you understand that there is not a drop of water anywhere in the world that has not been inside something or someone?  Now think about the cesspool again?  The fantastic fecal festival of fun that drained on to the floor, after some various procedures that water may become your  preferred bottled water that you pay three bucks for at the gas station?  OK for the germ-a-phobes, after you get done throwing up, at that thought of that; understand that is the way it is.  Water is not a renewable resource, there is no new water being created, it is the ultimate in recycling.  So, the next time you see a clogged toilet remember someday that might be your fresh, crisp, glass of water!

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