Unrinal Magic, Ah?

So a few weeks ago I had another urinal experience thought you all may enjoy. It was a snowy day in Ohio, as a matter of fact it was the day before the Super Bowl. I was having a “great” day, and clearly because we are talking about my bathroom activity I was on my way to the restroom. I looked out the door on the way and noticed the snow still falling and the wind blowing, damn Ohio. I swung open the door approached my favorite urinal(yes I have a favorite don‘t judge me!). There it was in the bottom of the urinal?

It was looking back at me. I was shocked and slightly disappointed in someone’s effort to get a wish. I couldn’t believe it. So you ask what was it? It was a CANADIAN PENNY? Someone tried to get a full fledged wish with Canadian money. Come on folks don’t be cheap at the wishing urinal. I hope whomever you are your darn wish doesn’t come true.

So some dumb ass reached in their pocket and threw a Canadian penny in my “wishing” urinal. Maybe they wished for a Canadian win. Maybe they wished for Tuna salad on rye, Maybe they wished for health care reform(wouldn’t that just be a wish) or maybe it’s not a wish at all?

I’m sure at this moment you are thinking, Bob “What does health care reform have to do with this?” Great question! I wasn’t really sure myself when I first saw it. Today it came to me as I was eating my lunch. I’m watching the News as always, and enjoying my very healthy salad. It hit me…BOOM! Like a bolt of lightening, In turn I couldn’t wait to get home today to tell you all about it.

The Canadian’s have social health care, which looks really good on paper. I mean who wouldn’t want free heath care right? I would and I’m a “crazy extremist conservative”. I have heard many folks over the years that have say“ If it’s free it’s for me” right? The problem is that now we have Canadian’s coming across the border and hiding their pennies in public restrooms(clearly the only rational reason for them to be in my urinal). There social healthcare program is running out of money and the Canadian’s are now using urinals throughout the US as piggy banks?

Unrinal Magic, Screwed?

The strange urinal activity continued today? I’m not sure at what point the urinals started to communicate to me, but they have? Weird I know right, like Nostradamus type stuff. I can’t even believe I’m telling you all this, but I’m not crazy it is really happening. Well maybe I’m a little crazy, but not locked up in a rubber room crazy. Of course today’s urinal activity may have been a direct answer to my “wishing urinal” activity of a few days ago!

The urinal has spoken folks and has revealed the truth about the future to me. My wish on Wednesday was for true transformational change in America. I want to live in a county where freedom reigns, and we are not bogged down by political bullshit. Basically I’m a get the government out of the way so we can grow and be the best that we can. Clearly not the direction we are headed in currently.

Enough already about politics. As some of you read early this week I was finding change in the urinals at work? The last few days the change has slowed. I guess there has been less wishes, or maybe the urinal was just taunting me? I’m not sure which but what I can tell you, I saw the future yesterday in my “wishing urinal”. (My urinal is a wishing well and a crystal ball who would of thought?)

So I walk into the restroom after lunch yesterday, someone was using the stall I usually us so I was put off to the next one. There it was down in the bottom of the urinal clear as day! I was shocked and a little startled when I saw it there, but it’s meaning came to me immediately. I still pissed on it but none the less, it was enlightening.

What was it you ask? It was a stubby screwdriver? Yea a screwdriver…and the enlightenment continues. I believe that we may be SCREWED! Yea, that was my first thought when I found out who won the Presidential election and my first thought when I saw the screwdriver. Do you think that was a coincidence, I think not! The urinal is showing me the future and it had no CHANGE , it just had a screwdriver! Cheers! 

Urinal Magic, Wishing Well?

So today it came to me in a private moment in a public restroom. As some of you know I work in a public business. So I use the public restrooms quite frequently…some might even say excessively. Over the last year or so I have noticed a strange but increasingly more frequent issue. Let me just say it, it’s freaking weird. 

I have noticed several urinal phenomena over the years, but this is different. There is the strange but every growing puddles, there are the gum flushers, and there was a time when I worked in New York I spent a day talking to a associate about the unbelievable amount of calcium build up in one. This is different! 

So what in the world is it that has me all messed up? It’s MONEY! Today was the straw that broke the camels back as they say. I began to pee and looked down( Yes I can see over my big belly) there it was in the bottom of the urinal a pile of change. So my first though was what a waste in today’s economy. Then the light went off! 

It was a culmination of months of urinal interactions and observations. As men we only have a few private moments in our life, and restroom time is one of them. We don’t want to be seen wishing or hoping for CHANGE in public space. So we have become closet “wishing well user”(substitute well for urinal)! To be completely honest at that moment I realized the true extent of our problem. 

You ask me “What problem?” Well we are using urinals as wishing wells…Right? Our Government is spending money like water…Right? We are flushing our money down the drain…Right? At that point I reached in my pocket and grabbed a dime, threw it right in the urinal and made a wish…Any guesses what I wished for? 

Hint: It has to do with CHANGE!